Chronic Rejection Vol. 1

Today I stayed home. Didn’t do a thing of note. Watched a few movies, checked the mail, walked the dog, even cleaned, sure, nevertheless I feel like my day hadn’t begun until I received one particular email.

First I read Warren Ellis’s newsletter, “Orbital Operations.” It was a fun read, pointing out that one of my favorite authors – indeed the first author to show me that stories can be about anything, inspiring me to type into a keyboard, telling a story about a door that fell in love with a girl and how it would kill to protect her – Joe Hill had started his own newsletter. I’m so down. His tumblr is one I check on the regular, so you can imagine my joy upon learning this. There was the occasional bit of junk mail. Lately they’ve been getting passed the filters, finding ways into my inbox. The Big Short was playing as I deleted them. 

Eventually, I decided to peruse my list of chapter titles for my latest novel-in-progress, adding and deleting where I saw fit. I’m using the names of rap songs. It’s piecing together nicely so far.

While watching Seeking a Friend for the End of the World – apparently, it’s Steve Carell day – I’d begun eating all of the food. I am the boniest blob in the history of mankind. 

When it came time, I scrolled down through my unread emails where I read:

 Re: Query – Novel Manuscipt

Five whole minutes went by as my heart plunged into the depths of my subconscious. It spit back up along with both fire and ice in the excruciating final second of pussyfooting before I worked up the nerve to click the damn thing. 

Of course it was a rejection. That was expected. This one had more to say, however, telling this writer that whatever he wanted to say, he should say it with smaller words.

Thanks a lot, Hemingway.

What does one prescribe for Chronic Rejection, you might ask if you were one of the few unlucky people to catch this sickness, or what is, in your honest opinion, the best natural remedy? 

Well, dear writer, I’ll tell you first that you’re not gonna like it, but I’ll still tell you. The answer is, as Jay-Z put it on the seventh track of his eleventh studio album, The Blueprint 3.

Onward and upward, everybody!


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