List: Top 7 Ways to Undo That Dopey Smile (A quickie listy)

  1. Zoloft, but let’s be real here – if you can skip pills, you already know to keep away and if you can’t say no to pills, you’ve got your undergraduate dealer on speed dial.
  2. Find a screwdriver and drill that instrument into the dimples and corners of your grin. Remember: lefty loosie, righty tighty isn’t always universal.
  3. You could just let it pass instead of fighting it, you know, like a person who actually enjoys life instead of one who reads listicles as internet dwellers and other, ever growing, western audiences seem to do (like me!).
  4. Punch yourself. Only the crazy and awesome smile after a good solid clockin’ to the noggin.
  5. Do cocaine. That’s not really a smile you see when someone is wired out of their fried mind, that’s a sharpening of teefers by way of a-rockin’ the jaws, which is still seen as a smile, albeit a really creepy one.
  6. Kiss the woman and/or man who caused such a smile. Do so at your own risk, if you get what I’m saying – if you don’t, please seek a therapist or some other quacking professional with a degree in an infinite ism.
  7. Enjoy that smile and be a goofball. Life is all about smiles, except for the Russians, apparently they think it’s rude, so don’t smile at a Russian unless you’re too afraid to do number 4 yourself, then by all means. 
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